Family Guy Transformers Style
by TF crossover fan
Summary: Starring: Optimus as Peter, Arcee as Lois, Megatron as Brian, Starscream as Stewie, Bumblebee as Chris, and Airachnid as Meg.
1. Who Wants Chowder?

In their living room, Optimus Prime was sitting on the chair and Bumblebee, Megatron, and Starscream were sitting on the couch. Each of them was holding a bottle of energon ipecac.

"Alright you guys," Optimus said, "I got eight crates of ipecac from Perceptor, all on my tab. Now whoever goes the longest without puking gets the last piece of energon pie in the fridge."

All four of them then took five gulps from their ipecac.

"Okay, here we go."

The four bots waited.

"How's everyone doing?" Optimus asked.

"Good, good so far," Megatron said.

"Alright, alright,"

"Nothing yet," Starscream said.

Optimus leaned back in his chair. "Cool, cool. You know I don't know if any of you guys already had some of that pie already but that is… that is some tasty stuff. It's from that bake sale that Arcee- BLAAAAAGH!"

Optimus vomited on the floor.

Starscream smirked. "Ooh, one down! I guess somebody won't be having- BWAAAARGH!"

Now Starscream vomited, leaving the pie between Bumblebee and Megatron. Bumblebee grasped his torso.

"I'm starting to feel funny," he said.

Megatron leaned back. "Well I feel fine, I guess I'm gonna- EAAAAURGH!"

Bumblebee stood up in triumph. "Oh boy! That means I win! I get to eat- WHOOOERGH!"

Then Starscream threw up again. "BWAARGH! Oh- oh Primus! Why didn't anyone tell me- BWAAARGH!"

Optimus fell down to his knees. "OH PRIMUS MY INSIDES ARE ON FI- BLAAAAARGH!"

"Please, no more! No more- BWAAARGH!" Starscream weakly said.

Bumblebee was barely standing up. "Optimus, I'm scared! GHAAAAARK!"

"Get the phone," Megatron said, "Call nine- one- one- HURAAWRGH!"

Optimus staggered towards Megatron in a half- delirious state. "Arcee! Arcee! Arcee get in here- BWAAARGH!" That last vomit pushed Optimus backwards onto the ground.

The puking frenzy seemed to die down.

Megatron was weakly leaning against the couch. "Okay, okay. I think it's gone. I think its- BLEAAARGH!"

Starscream was curled up in a rocking position on the ground, covering his hands with his face and crying. "I don't wanna! I don't wanna- BWAAAGH!"

Megatron held out a hand to Optimus. "Optimus, Optimus I need you to hold my bucket-head helmet and- BLAAAARGH!"

Optimus grabbed onto Megatron's head, and vomited all over his face. "BWAAAAAGH!"

Blind, Megatron threw up again. The puking again seemed to die down. The four bots groaned in pain as they attempted to crawl out of the mess they had made. Then the kitchen door opened. Arcee appeared holding a pot of energon chowder.

"Who wants chowder?" she asked.

Optimus, Megatron, Starscream, and Bumblebee gave a final, simultaneous puke.

"BLAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"


	2. Where's My Money? Part 1

Megatron turned off the shower water. He pulled back the curtain, stepped out of the tub, and wrapped a towel around his waist. Megatron opened the bathroom door, but blocking his way was Starscream, who was holding a glass cup of energon.

"Starscream, uh, hey," Megatron said.

"Hey there," Starscream replied, "So it's been twenty- four hours since you lost that bet. Got my money?"

"Ah, sorry I don't have it for you. Look just give me until next Friday and then I'll have it for ya."

Starscream's cheerful expression turned grim, and he began shaking his drink a little bit. "Oh, that's funny I could have sworn I said have it today."

"Yeah I don't have it, sorry."

"Huh, well alright then," Starscream sipped the last of his drink, "Mm, that's good energon."

Starscream smashed his glass cup onto Megatron's face.

Megatron grasped his bleeding face in pain. "AAAAHHHHHHHH!"

"Yeah did that hurt? Did that hurt?" Starscream asked Megatron while speaking in a gangster/ mob accent.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"Yeah that doesn't feel so good does it? No, huh?" Starscream stabbed one of his high heels into Megatron's knee, and then sliced him a couple times in the ribs with his claws. Starscream grabbed Megatron and threw him on the ground.

"Yeah that's what happens man." Starscream kicked Megatron in the stomach.

"OH MY GOD!"

"Yeah that's what happens."

Starscream kicked Megatron several more times, grabbed him by the neck, and began delivering many blows to Megatron's face. "Where's my money? You gonna give me my money? WHERE'S MY MONEY MAN?"

Starscream walked away from Megatron, grabbed the towel rack, and ripped it off the wall. Just as Megatron was getting on his feet, Starscream began savagely beating him with it. "Where's my money? Yeah, does that feel good? DOES THAT FEEL GOOD?"

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Starscream grabbed onto Megatron's bucket head helmet with both hands, dragged him over to the toilet, and shoved Megatron's head into the water. Megatron could only scream in pain as Starscream began slamming the top toilet seat lid on his head. He had no idea that the Seeker was capable of ever beating him like this. And not for control of the Decepticons, but over a fifty dollar bet he didn't pay!

"WHERE'S MY MONEY MAN? WHERE'S MY MONEY!" Starscream screamed at Megatron. Starscream threw Megatron down on the ground. Megatron weakly laid there on his back. He looked up. Starscream was standing over him holding a towel.

"You got 'till five o' clock, do you hear me? You've got 'till five o' clock!"

"You freaking psychopath…"

"Clean yourself up."

Starscream dropped the towel onto Megatron's face, and left the room.


	3. Where's My Money? Part 2

Megatron nervously opened his bedroom door and looked down the hall to see whether the coast was clear. It wasn't. Starscream was between him and the stairs, gently putting a golf ball with a golf club. Megatron quickly went back into his room and began searching for anything that may save him from the Seeker's wrath. Going through one of his drawers Megatron found an old fake mustache he paid three dollars for. He put it on, took on a calm expression, and left his room.

Megatron passed by Starscream. "Morning," Megatron said.

Starscream glanced at Megatron with a pleasant expression. "Good day to you sir. …Hey wait a minute what the hell!"

Realizing that his cover was blown, Megatron made a run for the stairs. But just as he was about to take the first step, Starscream pushed Megatron, causing him to fall down the stairs. When Megatron hit the bottom, his fake mustache had fallen off and his ankle was slightly twisted.

Megatron groaned, and began getting back on his feet when Starscream slammed the golf club down on his head. "GAH!" Megatron cried as he grasped his head in pain.

"I'm getting really tired of you ducking me man." Starscream said in his gangster/ mob voice as he continued to brutally beat Megatron with his golf club. Megatron only yelled in agony and tried to limp away. "Yeah, I'm getting really tired! Where's my money? Where's my money?"

Starscream swung at both of Megatron's knees, causing the larger Cybertronian to trip and again fall to the ground. Starscream hit Megatron on the back and again in the knees. Megatron spat out a little bit of energon from his mouth.

Then, Starscream gently put the end of his golf club under Megatron's chin, and began moving his club in a way so as to direct Megatron's face toward his own. "Yeah so you've got money to pay for fake mustaches huh? Yeah, uh huh, how much did you pay for that fake mustache?"

"Two ninety- nine."

Starscream tossed his golf club aside, whipped out his blaster, and shot Megatron's right knee out.

Megatron screamed out in pain and grasped his bleeding knee. "AAAAAAAAAHHHH! Listen you've just gotta give me more ti-"

Starscream shot his left knee.

Megatron screamed even more, and toppled over, _again_. Starscream began smacking Megatron across his face. "Don't make a fool out of me man! Don't make a fool out of me! I want my money! I WANT MY MONEY MAN!" Starscream walked away to fetch another tool to beat Megatron with. Megatron took this as an opportunity to crawl away.

"Starscream, listen this is crazy you've got to-" Megatron's eyes widened in terror at what he saw, "OH PRIMUS!"

Starscream had returned holding a giant flamethrower. He activated it and set Megatron on fire. Megatron screamed in intense pain as the super- heated flames made his metal skin rise to unbearable temperatures. Starscream let go of the trigger and walked over to Megatron, standing over him.

Megatron, whose entire body was now charred black and smoking, had only one thing to say. "Alright, let's go to the bank."


End file.
